"Overboard" 2018 Don't Go Near the Water

"Overboard" 2018 is one of the worst movies I've ever seen, and I've seen "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians." You go to see a film like this, and as you gaze at the boring, leaden, absurd, lifeless train wreck up on the screen, you think, "This was made by Hollywood professionals who are all multimillionaires" and you think about your own bank account and nothing adds up and you decide you need to try absinthe.

The premise is utterly implausible. A nice, pretty blonde single mother, studying to be a nurse, kidnaps a very wealthy, obnoxious man who suffers from amnesia, tells him he is her husband, makes him sleep in the backyard, and do all her housework and child-care chores. He, thanks to amnesia, morphs into a SNAG – a sensitive, New Age guy who loves her children better than she does, who never complains, and who eventually makes sweet love to her.

Well, look. "The Ghost and Mrs Muir" was about a woman falling in love with a dead sea captain. "The Wizard of Oz" is about … well you know what it's about. An artist can take any premise and turn it into a classic film.

When I went to see "Overboard," the matinee theater was almost full. A lot of people handed over money to see this. It's a comedy. I heard no laughter. Nothing. No sounds. It's as if everyone had been battered into silence by the epic crappiness of the entire enterprise.

Eugenio Derbez, who plays the rich and obnoxious / poor, wonderful amnesiac, is said to be Mexico's biggest star. Maybe we DO need to build a wall. I've seen household pets with more sex appeal. Even cats, and I'm a dog person. You never root for romance between 56-year-old Derbez and his costar, creepily skinny Anna Faris, who looks and is young enough to be Derbez's daughter.

The movie tries for some relevance by tossing in some Spanish dialogue. Guess they're trying to make a point about the contributions the rising Latino population is making to society, and how happy Anglos and Latinos can be as they blend families. If "Overboard" is the shape of things to come, "Todos estamos en problemas." "We are all in trouble."