The day she died. The day she was born. April 10, Siblings Day. September 23, Autumnal Equinox, and Bruce Springsteen's birthday.
The rest of the time I am free to think about it or not think about it. On these two days, I don't have much of a choice.
So I've been thinking how cool it would be to do a blog post cookbook. "Foods I cooked with my sister Antoinette." I'd already done a blog post, "Movies I watched with my sister Antoinette."
But it's been a really heavy time. And I have no time. No time to prepare that cookbook.
So I will just mention one. German chocolate cake. It was the go-to birthday cake. So dense and rich and sinful. I can't remember the last time I baked a German chocolate cake. Now that I am older, and live on my own, and eat healthy food, I no longer crave such decadent treats. If you eat healthy food everyday, if you're not a malnourished poor kid, you really aren't as susceptible to the lure of devilishly rich food.
But back then? One forkful was an elevator to Heaven.
Did I just mention Heaven?
When I "feel" you now, Antoinette, the cliche would be to say that you feel as alive as you ever felt, to me. But you actually feel more alive. I hope that is not merely my imagination.