On Feeling No Urgency to Watch "Breaking Bad." And Being Untrendy

I have no desire to watch "Breaking Bad." None. Zero. Zip. Nada.

I watched a clip on youtube. It was entitled "I am the one who knocks." Very good line. Wish I had written it. I found the performances melodramatic and I just didn't care.

Oh, and, I don't own a TV.

I know some drug addicts and drug dealers quite intimately and their lives are chaotic, violent and ugly and their brains are mush. I avoid them; I avoid even thinking about them as much as I can, hard to do, because they are close to me. I don't think this show could tell me anything about drug addiction or drug dealing that I haven't had forced down my throat by real life.

Walter White, the lead character, is a schoolteacher who gets a cancer diagnosis and worries about his ability to survive economically.

Hello? I am a teacher who has gotten a cancer diagnosis who worries about my ability to survive economically. My hardcore "Breaking Bad" friends have never said word one to me about my real life dilemma. They are too plugged in to TV.

Have I ever seen "Breaking Bad"? No. Therefore, I can't judge it, right? Right. Here's the thing – I don't care.

Someone says to me, "You have to watch 'Breaking Bad'" and my response is, yeah, I think I have to clean the bathroom, grade some papers, take a walk, reread "War and Peace," nap, chew, snore, fart, ride a donkey to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, die, decompose, be reborn as a sweet flower or parasitic wasp … before I get around to watching "Breaking Bad." I mean, yeah, I'll do it. I just have some other things I need to do first.

I'm just not interested in trends like this. Some people hear "Trend!" and they rush forward panting. I look around and think, "Hey, that cloud looks like a map of the Languedoc region of France!"

I'm guessing that there is no one anywhere on planet earth who can forgive me for not feeling any urgent need to watch "Breaking Bad."

But my confession is about to get worse.

Everything about Harry Potter makes me want to wretch. If I swallowed poison, and needed to empty my stomach immediately and thoroughly, I would simply meditate on the word "quidditch." I've been stupid enough to post a critical review of one of the Harry Potter films on Amazon, and I was tongue lashed by tweeners. NOT an experience you want to have. Extensive showering was required, with antiseptic soap.

Are you still with me? I am guessing you are not.

But let me sink to the absolute lowest depths of human depravity.

I dislike the Beatles' music so much I get up, cross the room, and change stations if it comes on. The Beatles sound commercial. And that's exactly what they were. The Kinks, The Who, The Stones – I like any number of British Invasion bands who, unlike the Beatles, don't sound like they were recording background music for a Coca-Cola ad.

There is not language to express my gut-level hatred of football.

I like some big trends. I think Star Trek is cute, and Trekkies are even cuter. I love fall foliage. I like the Academy Awards. I attended one Bruce Springsteen concert and it was everything you've heard. All the disdain and disinterest I feel for trendy entertainments like "Breaking Bad" and Harry Potter is mirrored by the fanatical obsession I feel during presidential campaigns. I am a political junky.

I wonder about this. Is it genetic? Is there some molecule in my body that a scientist could isolate and place under the lens of a microscope to explain why I am immune to trends, in the same way that I am immune to poison ivy?

Am I alone? Are there others out there like me? Speak up, you untrendy people. Tell me your story. If there is enough of us, we could start a … trend … oh, wait – never mind.