tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174606706448853915.post127077151967826357..comments2024-03-19T13:11:49.614-07:00Comments on Save Send Delete: Feeling Invisible and Worthless; Feeling Visible and Worthy D Goskahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09353495585591945881noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174606706448853915.post-48926114457871914292013-09-13T07:07:22.168-07:002013-09-13T07:07:22.168-07:00Linda, thank you. :-)Linda, thank you. :-)D Goskahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09353495585591945881noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174606706448853915.post-40810156767945555152013-09-12T17:40:54.254-07:002013-09-12T17:40:54.254-07:00Danusha,
I'm about halfway into "Send Sa...Danusha,<br /><br />I'm about halfway into "Send Save Delete" right now. I got the Kindle edition, but if I ever meet you I will get the print one so that you can sign it. I do have a hard copy of Bieganski, and I hope to have you sign it someday . . . someplace! <br /><br />I think, though, that you should rethink your job situation now with this book out. A Catholic college would be likely to find this publication very worthwhile. One of my colleagues recently was hired at Our Lady of the Lake University in San Antonio after a decade of non-tenure-track teaching. He was really discouraged, even though he had published a book on Cormac McCarthy and one on war in American fiction, but finally, last May, he landed just the kind of job he had always been looking for. Don't give up now! <br /><br />Your friend in Texas,<br />Linda Kornasky Dr. Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10395840974898625311noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174606706448853915.post-70060143726634699052013-09-12T11:36:45.871-07:002013-09-12T11:36:45.871-07:00I enjoyed reading this blog. It did not surprise m...I enjoyed reading this blog. It did not surprise me to hear that random strangers liked "Send Save Delete." It did not surprise me that people were touched by your work and wanted to meet you in person. Perhaps what you experienced in that room of twenty people was validation.<br /><br />Validation is a very, very powerful act, for both the person doing the validation and the person receiving it. (I was an affect coder for over seven years at a world renown research institute in Eugene, Oregon; I observed and recorded validation and other emotions for over 7000 hours.) Validation was one of the markers our coding team was trained to record as a more general code we called "affection." Unfortunately, our human subjects did not spend much time displaying "affection" for the other person they had agreed to "plan a fun activity" or "problem solve" with on videotape in a laboratory setting. The research done on the effect emotions have on human physiological and mental health in the 1980s and 1990s indicated that human beings are healthier and their relationships are stronger when they are nice to each other.<br /><br />Validation is one of the easiest ways to show affection for another person. Validation can be as simple as a barely audible grunt, s slight head nod, a vigorous head nod, leaning in towards the person you want to validate, saying "yes," "I hear you," or "I know what you mean." Validation is stronger when the person displaying it leans in, makes eye contact, or even reaches out to make physical contact while nodding their head. Mirroring the emotions of the other person is a very subtle way of displaying validation because it invokes empathy. When our coding team saw validation displayed we coded "affection." Many interpersonal communication studies and now medical studies as well show that the presence of positive affect like "affection," "happiness," and "enthusiasm," even in small amounts of the total affect displayed during a defined period of time, have a positive impact on human health, both physical and mental.<br /><br />Validation is not not necessarily agreement; it can be, but it does not have to be. I've discovered over time that people I have respected and loved all my life withhold validation because they mistakenly believe that if you validate someone you are agreeing with and potentially enabling them. Human beings don't need to be agreed with but they do need to be recognized, often.<br /><br />I describe validation like this: Validation is a way of saying to another person, "I see you" or "I hear you" or "I understand that you feel that way." Validation does not require that you agree or disagree with the other person. Validation gives the other person space to share what they feel or believe without being judged, corrected, or contradicted.<br /><br />Its hard to know that others see you, hear you and read you when they do so from afar. Danusha, you may have fans all over the globe without knowing it! I read your blog because I can't get in my car, or on a bus, or on my bike to come by and pay you a visit; I want to know what you are doing and I'm very interested in your scholarly work as well. I rarely comment though because I'm just too busy. Nonetheless, I do see you, read you and hear your messages, often. I suspect many other people do too. You met twenty of those folks the other day in a local library during a book club discussion of "Send Save Delete.' Thank you for sharing with us, the moment you became aware that you are seen and heard and sometimes loved and appreciated as well. Who knew that a small book club discussion could be good for one's health and well being. I imagine everyone left that reading feeling uplifted in some way!<br /><br />Lastly, I do want to say: Well deserved recognition and acceptance!!! Nancyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04559611201555750622noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174606706448853915.post-89693360934219418402013-09-12T09:18:04.109-07:002013-09-12T09:18:04.109-07:00Kim, thank you so much. I love what you wrote and ...Kim, thank you so much. I love what you wrote and will keep it. <br /><br />You are a writer too, and you feel the trepidation that we all do. Jump in, the water's fine. Choppy, but fine. You can make a contribution to your field, a contribution no one else would make. <br /><br />And, by the way, I just finished off the eggs you brought me. Thank you for them. D Goskahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09353495585591945881noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174606706448853915.post-74053572652843746282013-09-12T06:39:37.306-07:002013-09-12T06:39:37.306-07:00Thank you for sharing about your at the library, t...Thank you for sharing about your at the library, talking about your book . You are so very deserving to be in a room of people who read your writing and who want to talk with you about it. And then to talk about your vulnerabilities and gently reflect on the unspoken pains and vulnerabilities of others... This is one of the reasons I admire you and your writing. You write about tough topics with strong opinions and a clear voice and at the same time you are sensitive to others and their spoken and unspoken pain. I just want to say that I SEE you and value you as a person, a friend, a hard working, brave woman and a talented, hard working writer. I wish for you to be in many more rooms with people who have read and appreciate your work!Kimberly Wachtelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03418731674136228243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174606706448853915.post-55396751860663043582013-09-11T14:56:54.422-07:002013-09-11T14:56:54.422-07:00Danusha, as I said on facebook ~ you shine on your...Danusha, as I said on facebook ~ you shine on your own..luck had nothing to do with it..bravo! ChrisAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com